Read the following essay question answer and discuss what strengths and weaknesses it has. Remember, constructive feedback is a MUST!
Student A
Two different perspectives on race are one, "the only race is human" and second "race is based off of skin color." A person had said that the only type of race is humna race, because science has prove that we are 99.9% genatically identical. Our bodies are almost exact on the inside, but the outside of us are physically different. The second perspective "race is based of a color" which I believe is true. During slavery time there were whites & black only restrooms, diners, etc. If you looked at their skin you see why they were called white or black. These are only 2 perspectives there's plenty more thoughts on race, sorry I can't share them all with you.
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24 comments:
I think that this student did a good job, but one thing that i can say is that they can look at there grammar a little. But they had a good answer and they knew what they was talking about. But yeah, and at the end where they said that they wished they could've added more, i think that they should of because that would've have given them extra credit.
The person did a good job on explaining the 2 different perspectives on race.Also the student ca check with the grammar just a little bit. Also next time when the student should try to reread as an strategy but overall the student did a good job.
In my perspective i think the student that wrote this essay did good.The strengths this essay had was all the information that is true about race. He/she Gave great details and give more information about that topic. The Spelling/ grammar is ok just needs to improve a little. Otherwise the essay is great.
I think this student did a good job on the essay question. He or she put a lot into it .They had good spelling and grammar .
Well i agree with student A because some scientist have proved that the only race is human race and that we are almost fully alike on the inside, also that race is only based on the color of someone's skin, just because our skin is darker, or our heads are smaller we have become inferier to the "races" of lighter color
Student A,
The only race is human? Is that suppose to mean that were all the same? Cause if so your right we are the same like you said we are all 99.9% genatically identical. Our body in the inside ARE almost exactly the same. I never thought of that:: "Race Is Based Of A Color"... Now that I think of it that's true it because they could tell the different between each other but if there wasn't a different skin color this probably won't happen or it would have happened a different way.
I couldn't agree more with this perspective is pretty relivant.
I think it was good because they had evidence to support their perspectives. But next time this person should read over their essay, because there are some grammar errors they need to fix. But the way they explained everything was very well formed. wWhat the person said at the end I think it's not needed you don't have to say that. They should have ended with a better sentence because in the M.C.A.S system they don't need that type of information at the end. They know you can't share more because it asked for only two perspectives. But overall it was a good response.
My perspective on student (a) was that the person did a good job by giving some details to explain what is race.The end was good because the person wanted to share more information. the only weakness is the spelling but other than that the Essay was good
The essay was good because it talked about what Race means and they give examples of what type of race they was talking about. All student should over their work before they turn it in because they had some miss spelling and one sentence didn't make since.
It was really good and this person gave facts and stayed on his topic because sometimes people get off topic.But this person didn't which was really good.They gave good examples but I don't really think that they gave enough information I think that they could've gave a little more.
I LIKE WHAT THE FIRST PERSON SAID WE ARE ALL THE SAME ON THE INSIDE ITS JUST WHAT THE OUTSIDE LOOKS LIKE THAT OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE SEEING. AND I ALSO BELIEVE THAT RACE IS BASE ON A COLOR BECAUSE IF EVERYONE LOOKED THE SAME THEN NO ONE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM. SOME MIGHT BUT NOT A LOT. THESE ARE REALLY GOOD PERSPECTIVES. BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT RACE IS BASED ON A COLOR.LIKE AS THE SECOND PERSON SAID BACK THEN THERE WAS ONLY WHITES AND BLACK AND THE ONLY THING BESIDES THE PICTURES IS PEOPLE.
Student A, I like the fact that you show evidence for the different perspectives on race. For the perspective of "the only race is the human race", you exemplified this meaning with by saying that we are all genetically the same. However, you could stick to one perspective and explain and then stick to another and explain it also, Instead of jumping around he topic. Also, if some more information on the second perspective where possible, that would add to the fact. Other than that, everything is very explanatory.
This student had good detail about what race is in every sentence. Their answers were correct. The person had enough information explaining what it is. I think he could of not had i am sorry i cant share them all with you.
Instead just have a little bit more examples. Their also was etc. in the sentence. I think when your doing a big test like this. You shouldn't have that in their just have enough to say. If i was to grade it I would of give it a 90% because it had a lot of information but could of had more.
The first sentence don't make no sense. In the second sentence he/she spelled human wrong. He didn't tell us why he/she believe that race is based of a color is true.
The strengths this writing had was that he explain the two reasond about race and what he think about race and who start all this about race he refrace the question. Some of the weaknesses this writing had was that he spell some of the words wrong for example human he spell humna the other thing is that in some sentence it did not make send but I think he did a good job explaining what he was writing about race because if you are writing some thing and you do not explain what are you talking about you are going to get a bad grade. So that what I have to say about this writing.
This person responded very good, i think they did a great job on showing that they understand what they are talking about. Also they give information and they make sure they have facts to make sure it is true.The only thing that i saw wrong was that the person needed to double check the spelling and besides that i thought it was real good.
I think this student did a great job. This student got down to the fact. What was written down by this student i have read from our civics class. I like how the student said sorry they can't share them all with you, because you are going to want to hear more about this topic. It's like the student gave you the Appetiser now you want the dinner.
In the first sentence between where it says "race are one......" this student should replace the "are" with an "is". In the second sentence is say "..race is humna race...." incorrect spelling it's human. Another spelling error is also in the 2nd sentence is the way "genatically" it's actual spelled "genetically". I feel the way the person ended the paragraph was sort of a rush and not a proper way to end of a paragraph.
Keiawana...good feedback for a strategy that student A could use next time.
I think that the student did a GOOD JOB! because i like when they talked about how our bodies is the same in the inside, but the outside we are physically different. I thing that got me kind of mad and that they could have done a better job at was put more details into they second perspective they could have talk more about how whites and blacks didn't get along and a little bit more about slavery. And also they need to check they grammar and spelling.
Marsha, I'm glad that you learned something new
Good feedback Joyanne!
I think this student had done a great job. I say this because they answer there questions in complete sentences, they also made it interesting for the reader. The student told me what the question was in the sentence so i can know what they are answering. Other wise then that i think this student did a very good job.
Student A
~The person who wrote this I must say they did a good job because they gave us the evidence to backup what they where saying about race. I really liked what he/she wrote expecially when they said"A person had said that the only type of race is human race, because science has prove that we are 99.9% genitically identical. i liked that one slot because they wasn't putting people in cataorgies. one thing I think tehy should do is work on their grammar because it was a little off .
Geralda 8f
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