ead the following essay question answer and discuss what strengths and weaknesses it has. Remember, constructive feedback is a MUST!
Student B
Because of slaves. which was cause by christopher columbus. The king and queen sent Him to Africa to get slaves. Race is like a clear glass of water depends how yo see it. some people just was brought up not tolike certain colors and Backgrounds.
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21 comments:
The student could have gave more information about the topic.They did give out good information but not enough to make the reader's understand what is race. They do need to improve there spelling/ grammar and give more detail. Otherwise the strengths they had was that they at least put information about the topic.Other wise they did ok on the essay.
This student needs to go back and check his grammar and spelling. They need to read over it and see what makes sense and what doesn't. Like the first sentence, it's incomplete and you can't start a sentence with "because". They need to start a sentence with a capital letter and when there using somebody else's words they need to but it quotation.
I think this student needed to look at the rubric because the spelling and grammar was really bad. I'm not trying to be mean but next time they should also go over their work, to see if it makes any sense. They used capitalization when not needed and lower case also. The information they had was good but they needed to know how write it to make sense.
Well on weakness is creating sentences. I say this because he or she does not start some of the sentence with a capital. There is begining middle or end to the sentence. He or she does have the correct information which is a good thing. I think that they should have had a little more information for the reader to understand.Other wise i think the student had did an ok job.
The student did an alright job. What the student can do to make it better is the student can make sure that he/she doesn't start with because in the beginning of a sentence. Also he/she can reread over everything he/she wrote down to make sure it makes sense.He/she should work on his/her grammar more then it would even be better.
Well somewhat I do agree with this student because race does take what ever form you give it, but Christopher Columbus was not the one who went to Africa first of all because he came to this big land in the 1400's and enslaved the natives that were already over here and African slaves came to the U.S in the 1600's.
Student B,
I agree with you, I understand what you mean because It is a clear glass of water. When someones being rases you don't always know. Some people might not fit the "main" category (ex. White & Black) Some people might see it as more than one category like hispanic, black ,white, asian etc.And some may see it as Only those two race.
But, this essay could have been better, by explaining what you meant about your definition, and what it means to you.
This person spelled you wrong and they put to and like as a word. They really didn't explain about what there talking about. This person didn't study ether because when they talked about the king and queen that's not true.
Student B made it short and simple but I think that they should've put a little bit more information in it because this is the MCAS and their going to want at least one Paragraph and not 2 to 3 sentences.
I think this student need to work on his or her grammar. You don't start a sentence with because and you should always start a sentence with capital letters. Other than that they did okey.
I don't agree so much with this student. Where in our facts did it say that the king and queen sent Christopher to africa. I think this student could have been more specific. But i like when they used one of the defintion of race.
The student (b) could of did a little bit better. They could do better on the spelling . And the person should gave some more information on what the topic was about. The good part of the essay was that the person did Ok with the essay
Student B, this response was a little unclear. It gave an understanding of what you were talking about though. There is many mistakes, punctuation wise. The point that you were trying to make is, slavery started in Christopher Columbus times. You could have put a bit more information to it though, like the ethnicity that faced slavery, or why and how he contributed and what he used. It did not give a clear understanding of the question you were asked. On MCAS you are going to have to restate the question in your answer, but in all you would not receive a 0, just continue to work on it.
You don't start a sentence with because. Instead of you he or she had yo. When they talked about race they didn't say it right all it had it's like a clear glass of water it depends how you see it. Didn't space their words. I give it a 60% because the response didn't really make sense. They didn't space their words didn't make complete paragraphs. Didn't have Christopher Columbus capitalized and Some wasn't capitalized as well.
Dana, thanks for clarifying the facts !
This student did a okay job but they could of did a better job. This student should that they should not start a sentence with because. Also Christopher Columbus was not slave and he was not sent to Africa to get slaves for a King and Queen. Next this student had some miss spelling and I don't think this student know what race. If I was this students teacher I will still give he/she some points for trying.
Some of the weaknesses this student had was that you never start a sentence with because the other thing is the he did not explain so well I think he could do it better the other thing was that he did not stat a sentence with a capital letter and that will take some point of and he put some words in capital letter didn't had to be in capital letter.Some of the strengths this student had was that he knew what he was talking about because that right it look like Christopher Columbus but I think he did good.
It seems the student based the paragraph on their opinion ad not fact. In the 2nd sentence it says "...depends how yo see it". I know you want to sound cool but it's school it's "you" not yo. The last sentence at the beginning they did not start off with a capital letter. Also in the last sentence to and like are but together. It seems as if they were caught off guard because it says to as in send and not too as in alike.
Great feedback Joyanne! The important question is..how would this be graded on the MCAS?
I thought this person started of wrong by making three words a sentence. Also this person had very bad spelling and they showed that they did not have a good understanding of spelling. This person needed to make sure that next time they look over there were before they are done.
I thought this person started of wrong by making three words a sentence. Also this person had very bad spelling and they showed that they did not have a good understanding of spelling. This person needed to make sure that next time they look over there were before they are done.
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